The Momma 'n' Daddy Collection 60

Momma 'n' Daddy strike back today. There have been so many songs here in which they're the main subject of attention, and even though that attention is mostly good - warm memories of love, care and sound teaching - the two of them are downright sick of being sung about, whether in good ways or bad. It's their turn to sing about the kids, and it looks as if they're being brutally honest. Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn with 'You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly':

C: You're the reason I'm a-ridin around on recapped tyres.
L: And you're the reason I'm hangin our clothes outside on wires.
C&L: And you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin.
Ah, but looks ain't everything,
And money ain't everything.
But I love you just the same.

C: You're the reason I've changed to beer from soda pop.
L: And you're the reason I never get to go to the beauty shop.
C&L: You're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin.
Ah, but looks ain't everything,
And money ain't everything.
But I love you just the same.

I guess that we won't ever have everything we need.
Cause when we get ahead, it's got another mouth to feed.

L: And that's the reason my good looks and my figure is gone.
C: And that's the reason that I ain't got no hair to comb.
C&L: And you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin.
Ah, but looks ain't everything,
And money ain't everything.
But I love you just the same.

L: Conway, why in the devil don't you go and shave and put on a clean pair of pants?
C: Loretta, look at yourself. I wish you'd take them curlers out of your hair and go put on a little make-up. And get out of that housecoat before supper.
L: Huh! Well let me tell you somethin, Conway. Considerin everything I went through today, I look like a movie star.
C: Yeah, Ruth Buzzi.
L: Thank you.
C: Besides that, all of our kids took after your part of the family anyway.
L: Oh they did, huh? What about the one that's bald?
C: [Laughing] Well, I guess you might say they took after me.

Those of you who find yourselves distressed by this song, feeling that it disrupts the ethos of the Momma 'n' Daddy series, please don't be. There's a tongue-in-cheek element to it. Mom and Dad here, I'm entirely confident, love their kids to bits and are only using their ugliness as a weapon of argument.

[The Momma 'n' Daddy Archive, containing all the details of the series, is here.]