The boycotter's decalogue (by Eve Garrard)

Some members of the academics' union (the UCU) may be wondering how to do this boycott stuff which produces such heated debate on the union activists' email list. Here are some suggestions...

How to be a union boycotter, in 10 easy steps

(1) Insist, again and again and again, that the union is morally obliged to boycott Israel. Explain that boycotting any other country would involve ignoring issues of geopolitical complexity and might send out the wrong message to someone or other.

(2) Flood the UCU activists' list with detailed and sometimes accurate descriptions of Israeli crimes, but preserve complete silence about crimes of far greater magnitude committed by anyone else.

(3) Take care never to acknowledge that Israel has been under murderous attack since its inception, by people who quite often declare their genocidal intentions towards Jews. Explain that these people will treat Jews with exemplary respect once they get power over them.

(4) Sneer if anyone mentions suicide bombing, especially of colleges or universities, or rocket attacks on Israeli schools - these things are of no concern to an academic union.

(5) Constantly ask why there can't be a secular bi-national state instead of the Jewish state. Don't ever ask why Pakistan doesn't want to form a secular bi-national state with India, or why the Irish Republic doesn't want to form a secular bi-national state with the UK, or why Poland shouldn't be pressured to form a secular bi-national state with Germany. (At least, don't ask these things in the presence of any Pakistanis or Irishmen or Poles.)

(6) Use as many of the classic tropes of anti-Semitism as you can pack into your discourse, especially references to powerful well-funded groups controlling agendas and threatening world peace, and to people dishonestly complaining about anti-Semitism. Take care, however, to refer only to Zionists.

(7) Frequently declare that no one is ever allowed to talk about any of these things. If anyone disagrees with you, complain (preferably in the national press) that you're being silenced.

(8) Don't forget to mention the Nazis when you're describing Israeli policy and/or practice. If any anti-boycotters mention the Nazis, say that they're exploiting the Holocaust.

(9) Assert that you have a long and honourable history of fighting racism. Cite various musical events you've attended to prove this claim. Ostentatiously drop several Jewish names at this point.

(10) Persist in carrying out steps 1 through 9, even if it turns the activists' list into a poisonous cesspit. Ignore and even relish the increasing concern of your Jewish colleagues, since with luck your activities will drive them out of the union, thus making it all the more pliable to the boycott project. And even if this terminally damages the union, what does that matter? A strong and thriving union, in which Jews could feel just as much at home as non-Jews, is of no importance to you. (Eve Garrard)