Craig Brown takes you through it, from 1 to 8.2:
3 If television reflects the world as it is, it must have something in common with that which it depicts.Don't miss the rest.
3.1 But if this is the case, it would surely be possible to find someone in real life who resembles Esther Rantzen.
4 There must be one programme on television worth watching.
4.1 There simply must be. You can't have looked hard enough.
4.2 The television listings include all that could possibly be on television; yet somewhere at the back of our mind lies the suspicion that there is something more, something worthwhile beyond the page.
4.3 This being the case, we reach for the remote control and we flick. And flick. And flick.
4.4 The remote control contains the possibility of all programmes.
4.5 The more we flick, the more we feel the need to flick.
4.6 Everything that can be flicked to can be flicked from.
4.7 Everything that can be flicked from can be flicked to.
4.8 Anything, no matter how dull, can be flicked back to again, on the grounds that it looks a little more interesting than the programme that has been flicked from.
4.9 Whereof one cannot flick, thereof one must remain unflicking.